Updated: Dec 17, 2020
What a ride. The journey to humility can be tricky and deceiving. Humility has hit me like a ton of bricks in 2020, and I am truly grateful for it all.
On March 14 my life changed drastically. For 18 years I had built a business from the ground up solo, never borrowing a dime, from a 1 person show to a 23 employee multiple 6 figure business. I was able to start another business (this one) as my passions called me even further into the universe. I was truly on top of the world. I was a single, financially independent woman and finances were the least of my worries, until….
If I am being transparent I struggle emotionally even with all the work I put in, but the one thing I always had was my business, my success, my security, my status.
The dramatic turn my life took overnight from the virus and all its rath was devastating, debilitating, and caused an extreme identity crisis within me. How was I going to take care of my children, my employees, my house, and myself? I felt and said often, my life was ripped out from underneath me. Everything I had worked for was gone. A tad bit dramatic, but that is how I felt.
So much of my identity was based (unknowingly) for me on my financial gains, how much I had grown my business, my status in CrossFit, my competitive spirit, my drive to win and be the best...at everything.
Did I break down, cry a lot, get depressed, feel like a victim, get angry, blame, and about every other emotion out there? HELL YES I DID! I completely and fully accept myself for it now and know that this was just a path towards more enlightenment for me and more introspective work that I needed to get a handle on.
What I have learned is this, my ego was running my life, more than I cared to admit. I had recognized this through my athletics and had let a lot go, but had no real sense of how much it ruled many other parts of my life. The virus was a slap in the face to get me in a position where my identity has nothing to do with anything other than how I show up, treat people, and most of all how I treat myself.
I am grateful.
We all have subconscious beliefs about who we should be or what we are or perceived as, and when that is disrupted we feel lost, shameful, and pissed off…The ego thrives on this and keeps up stuck and lost. I realized this after many many weeks of trying to control the uncontrollable that my life was NOT about what I do but who I am.
Just for today, look at what these seemingly hard and terrible times can bring to the table. I know for me my entire perspective has changed, and I am grateful for my humility in this moment. Being humble is the key to ultimate success, not money.
Not to say I no longer have a competitive spirit or won't work my ass off, it's just I do not allow it to define who I am...money comes and money goes...just like I win some workouts and I come in dead last in others...Everything in life is a cycle. I know that my businesses will survive. Already my systems and ways of doing things have changed for the better and I am proud of myself and my staff at the studio’s and coaching business’s ability to adapt.
I am now able to really focus on my coaching and absolutely love how fulfilled I am doing this work. I have slowed down, and although I still struggle with that, I am learning to embrace it, and actually cherish it.
Take away: You can either win or learn, and 2020 has proven to me that I have a lot to learn still. What can you take from this crazy time? How can you make yourself better? What is your ego still grasping to?
Remember to love and accept everything about your journey. It is a journey and it’s yours.