This week I got into it with my 13-year-old...he is all of a teen now (help me haha) and I was telling him how he never wants to spend time with me and his sister, who is 10. He is always with his friends and rarely do I even see him on most days, especially since school has been out for all these months.
I am a single mom and have been for five years. In those five years, I have been very dedicated to supporting my family and have never taken a dime from anyone, including my ex-husband. I pride myself that I am able to do this but also work my ass off. When COVID hit my life fell apart, I was scared, still am if I am being 100% honest, and have been trying to fix it all since it started,
Anyway, he quickly responded that I never actually ask him to do anything. I paused and then he proceeded to say “AND all you do is work anyway”. My heart sunk instantly. As hard as that was to hear and as much as I wanted to defend myself I knew he was right. Since COVID hit I have literally been working nonstop. Morning noon and even into the nights sometimes. I was trying to fix the disaster at my business known as COVID-19. I realized at that moment that my losing my child to teen years was more on me than him. I had to really sit down and look at ME and what I could do to salvage this relationship.
I decided quickly to change this pattern, got some energy work, talked to my coach, yes Life Coaches need help too and realized that all of this working and fixing I was trying to do was in fact not working, not working for my business and not working for me personally. It is almost as if it was all fear-based desperate energy that caused more pain than good. The beginning of work and home separation must begin with a start and finish time each day. I was losing precious moments with my children, even though all my work was based around taking care of them, Hendrix, my son, made me realize that they do not care about what I can offer financially or materialistically, but that they just needed a mom, someone who wanted and acted like they wanted to spend time with them, someone who was not anxious and sad all the time, someone who was not living in a fear-based mindset. Thank you sweet boy for telling your Mom the truth.
This past Friday I decided to take the day mostly off, yes on a weekday, and my children and I had a glorious day simply hanging out. We went to my new office where I gave each of them a Reiki treatment, then we went out to lunch. That evening I cooked dinner for them on their request and we rented a movie, snuggled on the couch, and ate ice cream. It is the best time I have had in months, and I am so grateful for those two.
I was called to write this for all the parents out there who struggle with work-life balance. It is a catch 22 because you are working for them, but all they really want is time with you. Its been a painful few months with the pandemic and I suspect I am not the only working parent who has let this fall to the wayside.
I encourage you to not beat yourself up, we are all doing the best we can, rather make changes to accommodate the needs of your children. I have started to ask myself: Is this action based on fear or faith? If based in fear I let it go. Working all day and all night is based on fear, hands down.
I am excited to see what this new week ahead looks like with boundaries with work and personal time. I am excited to spend more quality time with my two favorite people and I am grateful for my son’s strength to speak his truth, what I encourage in my clients and myself.
Parents, we cannot fix what is happening in the world but we can change our behavior for the betterment of our children. No shame in the past, looking forward only.